In this second part of her article on “What is domestic violence”, Deborah Thomson continues to discuss the important factors in addressing the domestic violence epidemic.

You have recognised violent behaviours in yourself and you want to do something about it. That is a great first step. Urgent help is available. Come back in five months.

The men’s domestic violence helpline (1800 737 732) provides 24-hour information and referrals for men who are concerned about their violent and abusive behaviours, and for male victims of family and domestic violence in Australia. Unfortunately, nationwide there is on average a five-month delay for counselling of violent men. This means for those men who are worried about their abusive behaviour and seeking support for such, they must wait for help.

As well as helplines, we need, on the ground, frontline services local to our places of residence, especially in regional and remote locales in Tasmania where communities are often isolated.

In its 2024 Budget, the federal government announced frontline services funding which I can only describe as underwhelming. The Australian Council of Social Services (ACOSS) issued a statement saying the government “diagnosed the right problems but failed to deliver the solutions we need”. Similar responses came from service providers across Australia.

Cultural change

What is needed is no less than cultural change. This is advanced by community initiatives that seek to increase awareness, prevention and response to domestic and family violence, and empower those most at risk.

What is needed is participation in campaigns and events to educate the community, challenge misconceptions, change cultural attitudes and advocate for prevention and systems change.

What is needed is change to interagency approach: greater cooperation and coordination between services and agencies across our regions to provide a coordinated response.

What is needed is greater and more effective engagement with media, to provide expert knowledge, to raise awareness and to use social media channels to keep the conversation going in support of cultural change.

. . .

The culture of "staying out of other people's business" needs to change. No longer can we be passive bystanders. We need to be active bystanders wherever and whenever it is safe to do so.

An active bystander is someone who intervenes to challenge behaviour that is discriminatory, harmful or inappropriate. They not only witness the situation but also take action to prevent it from escalating and make attempts to disrupt problematic behaviour.

Being an active bystander often requires courage, but the crucial part is that action is taken.

In current society, active bystanders play a pivotal role in combating disrespectful behaviour, attitudes and systems. They contribute to preventing incidents from occurring in the first place. And being an active bystander involves more than just talking or posting about it – it requires self-education and action.

Cultural change involves listening with an open mind, offering support, not offering judgement.

Unfortunately, stigma remains around talking about family violence and acknowledging what's happening. Shame is a big contributing factor to the silence surrounding victim disclosure. With that comes gradual social isolation from victims starting to isolate themselves because family and friends distance themselves from the victim when uncomfortable, confronting or disturbing conversations occur. There’s often embarrassment as the listener struggles to hear what they are being told and feel they are ill-equipped, or don’t know how, to help.

If you are struggling to know how to help, simply listen to the person disclosing abuse. Believe what they tell you, ascertain whether there is immediate danger or not for that person, ask them what they need from you regarding support, and inform yourself of the professional support available to victims of abuse so you can direct them to the nearest support service.

To summarise, the important factors in addressing domestic violence are:

Awareness: arming yourself with an understanding of what domestic abuse looks like and how to support a victim in a manner that truly gives them what they need.

Accountability: focusing on the perpetrator’s behaviour and ways to stop their abuse (not what the victim has done to “cause” the abuse, and not what they the victim should do to stop the abuse).

Knowledge: look closely at, and understand, the efficacy of perpetrator intervention systems – are punitive measures the best way to reduce the incidence of partner abuse?

Cultural change: be active in community-based initiatives, help address stigma, shaming and blaming of victims.

I reiterate, there is an ever-increasing need for accessible, frontline, trauma-informed services.

. . .

If you have been physically or sexually assaulted, or are experiencing family violence in Tasmania, there are several services that can assist you. These include:

Tasmania Police on 000 (in case of emergency)

Family Violence Response and Referral Line on 1800 633 937

24-hour sexual assault support on 1800 737 732

Victim Support Services: one such service is the Victims of Crime service. For help and support contact 1300 300 238. For general enquiries: 1300 663 773 or 6165 7524. Email: victims@justice.tas.gov.au

Safe Choices Tasmania, 1800 806 189 9am-5pm, Monday to Friday.

You can also send Safe Choices a text message on 0448 046 918 (South) or 0439 910 435 (North and North-West)

Engender Equality: engenderequality.org.au

Yemaya Women's Support Service: (6334 0305 (this is not a crisis service).

IF YOU ARE IN DANGER, PLEASE CALL 000

Deborah Thomson moved to Tasmania with her daughter in 2010, and now lives with her partner of nine years and a parrot. She moved to escape domestic violence and, inspired by her new partner, wrote her first book, Whose Life Is It Anyway? Recognising and Surviving Domestic Violence, to help others recognise abuse (and in particular coercive control), in the home, and to increase their motivation to leave earlier. After publishing her first book, she became a trained advocate through Engender Equality, a non-government Tasmanian organisation working with people and communities impacted by family violence. Deborah Thomson advocates for survivors of family violence, speaking at domestic violence events across Tasmania, through media channels and podcasts. She recently completed a second book, detailing lived experience with domestic violence by her then husband, spanning 17 years from 1985 to 2003. This book is now used in Tasmania as an information resource for family violence counsellors and students on practicals.